New Year...New Me!!!!

Since I started school in the fall, I have lost 3 to 4 pants sizes. I still have a lot to go (A LOT!!!!!!!), but it is starting to show I think. I can't really see it that much myself, but I can when I look at old pictures.

I don't really go for New Year's Resolutions, but this coming year I would like to continue what I have started. I don't really care if I EVER to get to be a size 10, I don't think I was EVER a size 10 anyway (maybe in elementary school), but I want to get healthy. There is a lot of heart issues on my father's side of the family. I can't believe I'm going to put this out for the whole world to see, but when I started, I was wore a size 32 and I now I'm down to a 26-28. Like I said I still have a LONG way to go, but at least I'm now moving in the right direction!!! I want to continue to do well in school (well...for me start doing well in school...I KNOW!!! I'm way to hard on myself.) and get closer to getting my certification.

For the first time in a long time, I can honestly say that I'm happy just being myself. Yea, there are things that I want to improve and change (don't we all have those things), but I finally content where I am in my life.

Happy New Year!!!
Steph

Merry Christmas!!!!!

Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas & God's blessing in the New Year!!!

Love,
Steph

Thankfulness

What are you most thankful for this Thanksgiving?

This year, among many things, I'm especially thankful for...

• family
• dear friends
• a church family that I love
• a God who loves me to much to leave me the same (although I don't always enjoy it).

My blessing are way too many count.

God Encounters

I name this blog "Counting My Blessing" and tonight I'm going to do just that. For the past couple of days God has been showing up and showing off in my life. Some I have mentioned before here, but most I have not.

• Last week, as money was getting tight since I had to pay a lot of bills and it is the end of the semester so financial aid is running out and I can't sub everyday due to school, I received an unexpected settlement check for a class action case from my former employer (I was laid off over two years ago) for close to $100.00. For some people that might not be a lot, but when you are counting every cent, that is huge. Once again God provided just when I needed it.

• Sunday's worship and getting to share a little salt with a student (read here for more details)

• Last night's worship experience for the Travis concert.
  

• This morning on my way to school I stopped off at Starbucks for a cup of coffee and the person in front me performing a random act of kindness payed for my coffee. I was feeling kind of down this morning (long story) but that just made my day. I passed the act on and prayed that it would also to brighten their day also.

Isn't it just like our Great God to give us just what we need when we need it.

An Opportunity not missed

God gave me an opportunity to invest in the lives of one of "my" students. As far as I'm concerned, they are mine while I'm teaching them and if it is someone that I have had the opportunity to sub for a lot then they stay mine. There is a teenage girl who has recently started to attend CFBC with her family and I have had the pleasure of subbing for her multiple times when she attended Cass Middle (she was in Chorus with Teresa, so I guess technically she was Teresa's student) and also a number of times this year at Cass High. Her family is struggling and have just started "getting back to church". One time while subbing for her I had the opportunity to ask her if she and her family were going to come to the Travis Cottrell concert this coming Saturday. She told me that they would like to come, but for their family of 4 they couldn't afford the tickets. I told her not to worry about that and I would take care of getting them tickets, which I purchased before hand and gave to her one Sunday morning. This just this past Sunday, just after we finished talking about being salt to the world in Sunday School, she approached me and asked if I had an extra ticket for the concert. Her parents are divorced, and her dad is flying down this weekend and she wanted to bring him to the concert because she said that he wasn't a very strong Christian. So I was able to walk her out to the ticket table and I purchased a ticket for her to give to her Dad.

To me it is still amazing that God would use me, just a substitute teacher, to not only reach the students that I have had an opportunity to work with but some of their families also. What a great God we serve.

Prayer Request

I have a friend who is pregnant with a little girl and is in the hospital with the flu. They are giving her breathing treatments and keeping an eye on her and the baby, but they can't give her a lot of medicine because of the stage that she is in her pregnancy. Please keep her and her baby in your prayers.

Under Attack

This semester I'm feeling under attack at KSU. I knew that in a solar system science class that "Big Bang" would be what was taught, however my professor and most of my fellow students totally discount creation at any level. Truth be told, I was expecting anything different even though I don't believe it or like it. My problem comes from the professor calling anyone who believes in creation "a super religious freak". I haven't been bold enough yet to say anything to him. I'm kind of afraid to speak up now because he is the only teacher that teaches this class and I need to pass it in order to finish my program. At the same time, I feel like I need to defend my faith but just don't know what is the best way to do and when the best timing will be. This isn't something that I'm very good at anyway.

Why?

Why is it so much easier to believe the negative things that people say about you, including yourself, instead of the positive things that people say? Am I the only person who struggles with this? I'm so quick to believe when people that I can't do something, although sometime my stubbornness gets the best of me and I set out to prove them wrong, but most of the time I believe it as truth.

Rough Week

This week has been rough. On Monday morning my step-dad's (this is who I refer to as my Dad) father passed away. I never knew Dad's father, but my heart breaks for my Dad. My Dad and his father had a very strained relationship, and now along with sadness there is anger and hurt and a loss for a relationship that never was.

Today I also found out that yesterday a friend from Xerox passed away. I haven't seen or talked to her in two years, since Xerox closed, but in someways that just makes it harder. It is sad that in this day of modern technology that we still lose touch with people who we use to see everyday and had a good relationship with because circumstances change.

This week has been another reminder to never miss an opportunity pass to let the people who matter to you know it. So dear friends, thank you for be such a blessing to me. Love you!!!

Unexpected Blessings

This Friday marks the two year point since I last had a "regular" full-time job. It is hard to put into words all that has happened in the past two years. One thing is for certain, if you asked me two years ago if I would be where I am now the answer would be a resounding "NO". Nothing in the past two years has gone the way that I would have planned. I never planned on moving, changing careers (especially when that requires 3 years of school), or sharing a home with my family again. It hasn't been easy, but the blessings of the past two years have been amazing. By far one of the biggest blessing has been some very dear friends who have come into life who I might have never met if I didn't move, and now I can't imagine them not being in my life. Thank you for being such a blessing to me.

God needed a 2x4

Praise God, He has been working in my life this past week. Unfortunately I can be quite stubborn at times, so to get the message across He needed to use the 2x4 method. In my family the "2x4 method" as we call it, is when you keep fighting something to the point of total frustration and then all of sudden it hits you upside the head, like you have been hit with a 2x4 (hence the name).

The beginning of this week, I was fighting some major doubt and discouragement with school. Part of it was my own doing, well I guess to be completely honest it all was. I'm a perfectionist, which is really crazy because I'm so far from perfect, and have very high (and often crazy) expectations of myself. Because of this very often I feel that nothing I do is good enough. When you add that to less than wonderful grades, like a D in Calculus and a B on a test you thought and full expected to get an A on, you have the makings for some very fertile ground of self-condemnation, doubt, discouragement and frustration. I have often said that if I treated my friends the way I treat myself, especially in my head, that I wouldn't have any friends left. On Tuesday night as I was struggling with a take home Calculus re-do test, to bring that D up to something that was at least passing, I was ready to quit. Not just Calculus, but school in general.

This is when God took out the 2x4. If I believed that God called me to this, then why would I quit, in fact why would I even thinking about quitting. There is only a couple of reasons, one would be that I was wrong (but Andrea addressed that in Sunday School and her blog), or I'm going to be disobedient to something that I know is what I'm called to. Neither of these seems like a wise choice. So I decided to trust and to keep going, when I got hit by the 2x4 there really was no other choice!!!

***Update*** On Wednesday morning Calculus clicked and I got ended up with a B on my test.

10 Commandments - The Message

Exo 20:1 GOD spoke all these words:
Exo 20:2 I am GOD, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of a life of slavery.
Exo 20:3 No other gods, only me.
Exo 20:4 No carved gods of any size, shape, or form of anything whatever, whether of things that fly or walk or swim.
Exo 20:5 Don't bow down to them and don't serve them because I am GOD, your God, and I'm a most jealous God, punishing the children for any sins their parents pass on to them to the third, and yes, even to the fourth generation of those who hate me.
Exo 20:6 But I'm unswervingly loyal to the thousands who love me and keep my commandments.
Exo 20:7 No using the name of GOD, your God, in curses or silly banter; GOD won't put up with the irreverant use of his name.
Exo 20:8 Observe the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.
Exo 20:9 Work six days and do everything you need to do.
Exo 20:10 But the seventh day is a Sabbath to GOD, your God. Don't do any work--not you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your servant, nor your maid, nor your animals, not even the foreign guest visiting in your town.
Exo 20:11 For in six days GOD made Heaven, Earth, and sea, and everything in them; he rested on the seventh day. Therefore GOD blessed the Sabbath day; he set it apart as a holy day.
Exo 20:12 Honor your father and mother so that you'll live a long time in the land that GOD, your God, is giving you.
Exo 20:13 No murder.
Exo 20:14 No adultery.
Exo 20:15 No stealing.
Exo 20:16 No lies about your neighbor.
Exo 20:17 No lusting after your neighbor's house--or wife or servant or maid or ox or donkey. Don't set your heart on anything that is your neighbor's.
Exo 20:18 All the people, experiencing the thunder and lightning, the trumpet blast and the smoking mountain, were afraid--they pulled back and stood at a distance.

If Things Went My Way

I catch myself saying "If things go my way..." a lot. Sometimes I wonder if this isn't me trying to control things and get my way without making it sound like that is what I'm doing. I want things to go the way that I want them to. The past few days though I have been thinking back over times where things didn't "go my way" and realized what a blessing that was.

If things went my way I would have never been laid off from my job at Xerox. If that didn't happen I would have never pursed going back into teaching and I truly love it (even as a sub).

If things went my way I would have never moved to Cartersville from Tampa. This might have been one of the biggest unexpected blessings. I can't imagine not getting to know people that have come to mean a great deal to me from Sunday School & Choir. They are such a blessing in my life.

I'm glad that things don't always "go my way", I would have missed many unexpected blessings.

God Answered My Prayers

My school schedule this summer was going to be INSANE. I was going to take 17 credit hours in an 8 week session, which means that I would be attending class 34 hours a week. I didn't see any way around it, so I was truly praying for strength to endure it. However during orientation I got good news, I'm exempt from 2 of my science classes now. Due to this bit of information, my load this summer was greatly reduced. I'm now only taking 13 hours and 3 of those I can do on the web. Which means I'm only in 26 hours of class a week, and only 20 of those will be in class at KSU. That is such an answer to prayer.

Confused

I'm warning you now, this is a venting, figuring out things, wondering why type of entry and it probably won't make any sense to anyone (including me).

As many of you know I'm starting a new journey, well restarting to be completely accurate, into the world of teaching. I have never felt so certain that I'm suppose to be doing something, yet so defeated even before I started in my life. I can trace some of these feelings back to my first attempt into the world of education, however I don't think that is everything. I'm not totally sure what is going on with me right now. I have had some amazing opportunities with students while subbing, and thoroughly enjoy it. It just seems that ever since I decided to really pursue getting my certificate I've had some horrible days and just feel discouraged, it isn't even really the students.

Like I said, this probably doesn't make sense but it is where my heart is.

Sunday School Leason Applied

Today in Sunday School, Shep taught on Gideon out of Judges chapter 6. One thing that Shep pointed out from the beginning of Chapter 6, is something that I struggle with all of the time.

Then the angel of the LORD came and sat under the oak that was in Ophrah, which belonged to Joash the Abiezrite as his son Gideon was beating out wheat in the wine press in order to save it from the Midianites. The angel of the LORD appeared to him and said to him, "The LORD is with you, O valiant warrior." (Judges 6:11-12 NASB)

At this time it is a little ironic that the angel of the Lord called Gideon a "valiant warrior" when he was hiding in the wine press. As Shep asked us to think about why this was the main thing that pointed out was the difference between how God sees us and how we see ourselves. For us it is easy to see why the angel called Gideon a valiant warrior, we can finish reading the account and get the full understanding. I find myself struggling though with what I know that I am called to do and why God is asking me to do this. I keep hearing the voice of someone who was suppose to be a mentor telling me that I would never be successful and for me that is so easy to believe. I don't totally understand why, but it is much easier to believe the bad stuff people say about me than the good stuff and unfortunately I seem to adopt the bad stuff that people say as the way I seem myself as well. The TRUTH that is that I'm a child of God, and even though I'm not good in myself, that though HIM I can do anything that HE calls me to.

I'm back on the plan

Ten years ago I felt lead into the world of education, specifically business technology education. Due to a very bad experience in a middle school in Florida during my internship, eight years ago when I graduated from the University of South Florida and stated that I would NEVER go into education. I changed MY plans and went to work for a friend doing technical support for her small company. When she could no longer to keep me on full-time I went to work for Xerox for the next six years. After being laid off from work I slid down the slippery slope of depression, especially when I couldn't find a job. What I didn't want to hear, was that it was time for me to get back to what I was suppose to be doing and get back into teaching. That was truly the last thing that I WANTED to hear. Not surprisingly when I started to explore opportunities in education doors started to open. There have been some tough moments, but there have also been some amazing moments as I have gotten to work with students who just need encouragement and someone to care. Right now, even as a substitute, God has been so kind to show me that this is where HE wants me and HE has a work for me to do in the classroom. In May I start school to get my certification, I'm back on the plan.

Steph

Hard Times

The past two nights Mom, Dad & I have been having the talks that you never want to have. Grandma is not doing well at all. Her heart keeps going into Afib and they have her on a bunch of different medicine to keep her heart rate down and to control her thyroid. This isn't sitting well with her, Grandma has always hated to take medicine of any kind for any reason. She has already said that she would take it in the hospital because she HAS TO, but that she wouldn't take it when she gets out. Well with out the medicine she will not live long becaue her heart will just stop and she has a DNR order. Also she has not eaten for the past two days because it is hard for her to swallow. They found a noduel on her thyroid, which could be nothing or as bad a cancer, but they aren't going to test it because at her age they aren't going to do anything about it anyway. At this point when she gets out of the hospital she will have to go to a nursing home/rehab center because right now she is so weak that she can't even get to the bathroom by herself. I know she won't like that, but there is no way that we can care for all of her needs at home.Right now Grandma does not want to take her medicine, she does not want to eat and she asked that we not prolong this for her. She hates having to be taken care of and doesn't like seeing how much stress caring for her causes Mom. My gut feeling is that we won't have her much longer. It breaks my heart, but I don't want her to suffer either. It is a very hard time right now.

Health Update

I don't know if anyone even stops by here, but this is more for me anyway. This is a journal entry for what is going on right now.

Grandma is still in the hospital. With the exception of this past Tuesday when she was home, she has been in the hospital or hospital rehab for a month now. She is doing better, but is still not doing well. They diagnosed her with a hyper thyroid, for those of you who aren't up on your medical jargon that mean it works too much, and that is causing her to have issues with her heart. Twice now she has gone into an afib rhythm and once her pulse got up to over 180 on Thursday night. They are trying to adjust her medication for the heart and thyroid now to find the correct levels. We are hoping that she will get out sometime this next week. We thought it might be as early as Monday but she went into afib again tonight and we want them to keep her until we are sure that is resolved.

If we didn't have enough going on with Grandma, Dad had a stomach virus all day yesterday. I made sure that I stayed as far away from him as I could get. He is doing much better today though. Thankfully he only had a 24 hour bug.

Mom is staying at the hospital with Grandma. She is worn out and just getting over a bad case of bronchitis from getting so warn out the last time she had to camp out with Grandma. She seems to be doing ok now, but she is really worn out. Between work and everything with Grandma she hasn't had a break since Thanksgiving. I'm doing my best to help her, but I don't do the medical stuff and the doctors come in early when I'm working.

As for me, I'm working still as a sub everyday and then going to the hospital after I get off of work. I'm doing ok, thank goodness I haven't gotten sick also, however like everyone else I'm worried about Grandma and don't feel quite up to norm.


Have a good weekend!!
Steph