Praise God, He has been working in my life this past week. Unfortunately I can be quite stubborn at times, so to get the message across He needed to use the 2x4 method. In my family the "2x4 method" as we call it, is when you keep fighting something to the point of total frustration and then all of sudden it hits you upside the head, like you have been hit with a 2x4 (hence the name).
The beginning of this week, I was fighting some major doubt and discouragement with school. Part of it was my own doing, well I guess to be completely honest it all was. I'm a perfectionist, which is really crazy because I'm so far from perfect, and have very high (and often crazy) expectations of myself. Because of this very often I feel that nothing I do is good enough. When you add that to less than wonderful grades, like a D in Calculus and a B on a test you thought and full expected to get an A on, you have the makings for some very fertile ground of self-condemnation, doubt, discouragement and frustration. I have often said that if I treated my friends the way I treat myself, especially in my head, that I wouldn't have any friends left. On Tuesday night as I was struggling with a take home Calculus re-do test, to bring that D up to something that was at least passing, I was ready to quit. Not just Calculus, but school in general.
This is when God took out the 2x4. If I believed that God called me to this, then why would I quit, in fact why would I even thinking about quitting. There is only a couple of reasons, one would be that I was wrong (but Andrea addressed that in Sunday School and her blog), or I'm going to be disobedient to something that I know is what I'm called to. Neither of these seems like a wise choice. So I decided to trust and to keep going, when I got hit by the 2x4 there really was no other choice!!!
***Update*** On Wednesday morning Calculus clicked and I got ended up with a B on my test.
